Losing Control

I don't really like listening to classical music but I could sit for hours on end watching someone sit at a piano with their fingers gliding over the keys and the invisible memorization of Mozart carrying their arms.

I went recently to Wheaton University to check it out because, it's getting to be that time. Decision time. Anyways, I went to one of Jess Williams' classes and we watched her play a few classical pieces.

At the beginning you can tell that she was focused on what she was doing. Where her fingers were going. Then, eventually, she completely lost herself. If you looked at her fingers and then up at her, you could tell that something else was going on. It was the same with anyone who got up and played. It's as if the music started coming from somewhere else. Like the piano wasn't actually producing any sounds. Or, they weren't even controlling their fingers anymore but it was something deeper.

I wish my faith was like that. I hope my faith is like that.
I hope when people see me serving they don't see that I'M serving them. I hope that they know I don't even know where my hands are going anymore. They see that it comes from somewhere else entirely. They see that I don't control my actions but it's something deep within my spirit that is moving me.

I hope they see that I'm completely lost in the music of His Glory.

Like an Art-Form

The Bible is really inspiring.

I've always looked it as sort of the intellectually charged aspect of my faith but, lately,
I've discovered its many inspirational qualities.

I was planning a children's program last week & then, I'm doing activities for our church's upcoming Woman's Retreat & I've looked in magazines & google, etc etc but the most inspiration I've found came from the Word.

I think that's pretty cool. That's all.

Peace.

Just Can't Seem to Get it Right Today

Tonight is very confusing for me.
My mom hasn't gone grocery shopping since I moved in. There's no laundry detergent in the laundry room. She went straight from work to her boyfriend's house.

How the hell can someone claim to care about you so much and treat you like you're a vapor in their whirlwind????

I love her so much. I really do.
Her faults shove me into the arms of My Father.

Sometimes, though, I want a mom who doesn't have to shove me. Sometimes, I want a mom who lifts me, a mom who carries me to the Father.

I've had a lot of people offer me their homes lately. Obviously, she would never allow that.

& I just don't know that I could allow myself to skip out on my life. You know what I mean?
Doesn't it seem like a cop-out?

I just want to wait around & see if she'll come around. And I want to wait around and see how weak I can be, so God can be strong for me.



On a lighter note:
I love people. I totally get why God created us this way: needy.
I just can't imagine what's it's like for Him to see someone look elsewhere for satisfaction just to come to the realization that it's only found in Him. Must be a beautiful moment for Him. & if the angels are rejoicing... well, God must be beaming.

I don't know the answers. But, just the assurance that I know who does. It makes me look at human beings in a whole new light. It makes me love their shortcomings because I know that God created them with those so that He could be proven in His all-fulfilling nature.


It's a beautiful thing that we all NEED God.

Yesterday, I felt like someone was praying for me. Do you ever get that feeling?
The feeling that people are just interceding.

It's a beautiful thing: intercession.


Writing helps me so much. Two minutes ago I was rippin' mad.

Now, I'm just chipper. It amazes me.

Nowhere to Be Found

Avoiding the PAST
Running away from the PRESENT
Scared of the FUTURE

I'm going in circles.
Circles are getting me nowhere.






The worst part is:
I think nowhere is exactly where I want to be.
Nowhere is safe.
Nobody else is nowhere.

Nothing takes faith, when I'm nowhere.



But when people start going somewhere, when people start going There,
no one can find me if I'm nowhere to be found.

No one can find me if I'm nowhere.